Even Our Emotions Have an Echo
by greysantomyyyyyxxxxxx
Summary: Meredith finally takes responsibility for her life and her actions. Post LMR.
1. Breathing alone

_**Even Our Emotions Have an Echo**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**_

_**Author's Note: I haven't exactly figured out where I'm going to go with this. There's many Post-LMR fics out there, but few are told solely through the eyes of Meredith, and I'd like to try that route. We don't give Mer enough credit. A lot of the stories have similar plots so bear with me as I try to figure out something different, but equally compelling. Feedback please. It helps me write :)**_

I feel my heart beating wildly in my chest. I can feel Derek looking at me as Finn says my name. Shit. This shouldn't be hard. He chose Addison. He is married, and Finn has plans, plans that include me. I should grab Finn by the hand and let him take me home. That's exactly what I should do, but I had no idea what I will actually do. My thoughts are muttered. I can't think. I can still feel Derek looking at me, and still I can't breathe.

I look both men in the eye, compose myself, and simply say "goodnight." I turn on my heel, pick up my dress, and follow Izzie, George, and Alex to the car. I can hear both men cry out my name. It takes all my strength within me not to turn back around, and make the obvious rash decision. No, I refuse to go that route, not again. Not tonight. Tonight is the time to be a friend. It is the time to be there for Izzie. I admit I find it sad that I am using my friendship to Izzie as an excuse to not stay at the hospital and deal with the dilemma I created for myself.

Alex, and George drive Izzie home in Alex's car. I get into my truck and follow them home. In the car I break down. What just happened? What does this all mean? Would someone find my underwear? Would Derek tell Addison? Tears run down my face and I try my best to focus on the road and not ram into the back of Alex's car. That is the last thing I need tonight.

What I need is to be with my friends, my family. I have been so consumed with my own pain that I forgot what was truly important in life. Men are fleeting. Derek had already made that clear, and Finn could very well do the same. I have to ignore my own pain, even if just for the night, because that's what family does.

I pull into the driveway of our home and try to compose myself. I pull down the car mirror and attempt to conceal the evidence of my emotional breakdown in the car. I look myself in the eye and am honestly sickened with the person I'd become. Sure I could blame Derek, but I allowed myself to become this way. I truly am the dirty mistress. Before I could claim I didn't know, but tonight I knew all too well. But I also know it felt so good to be with him again, too good. Regardless, in this moment I realize that something had to change, something within me. I had to regain some kind of control in my life. No longer will I allow myself to fall into this downward spiral of emotion, tequila, and knitting. There has to be something else. There has to be something better.

I slowly get out of the car, and close the door behind myself. It is a cool May night. The crispy Seattle air feels so good in my lungs. Finally, I can breathe.

I walk into the house and I can still hear Izzie sobbing. Poor girl. I can't even imagine how she would be able to cope. She lost Denny so quickly. She never saw it coming. I never saw it coming. One minute you're planning the rest of your life with the person you love. You don't ignore a single detail of the future you two will share, then he's gone, and your left with nothing but memories and a broken heart. You're left alone to glue yourself back together anyway you can.

I walk up the stairs and I see Alex holding on to Izzie. I realize how much Alex loves Izzie. He's holding here and smoothing her hair back from her face. God, Izzie looks like a princess, a beautiful, tragic, princess.

I clear my throat to let them know that I am in the room. Neither of them moves. I hear George in the next room on the phone, and a few moments later he joins us. George sits next to me on the floor. He puts his arm around me as I silently begin to cry. For Izzie. For Derek. For life. Izzie is in so much pain, and there's nothing any of us can do to help her except be here for us when she needs us.

Izzie eventually falls asleep in Alex arms. Alex puts her down in here bed. He looks torn as he finally lets go of her, as if he didn't want to let her go. George and I get up and take the pink gown off her sleeping broken, sob wrenched body. Alex adverts his eyes.

"Is it alright if I sleep on the couch? I want to be here in case she needs anything," Alex meekly asks.

"I think we have it from here. You should go home. Get some sleep," George replies. I can see in Alex eyes that there is nowhere else he rather be, and George could tell as well.

I go into the hall and grab him a pillow and blanket. I hand him the linens.

"It's going to be ok. She's going to be fine," I say trying my best so sound confidant.

"That's just what people say when they are trying to make people feel better, but thanks," Alex responds as he descents down the stairs.

I go into my room, change my clothes, and then return to Izzie's room. George is fast asleep on Izzie's left side. He's holding her close to his body. Quietly I climb into the bed. The house is silent minus the sounds of Izzie and George's breathing. I allow these sounds to lull me into a deep sleep. I am exhausted and I have a feeling that tomorrow will be equally exhausting.

gagagagagagagagagaga

I'm awoken by the sound of my alarm from across the hall. Regardless of my inner turmoil, or the state of the world around me, work is my one constant. Being that I always had to go, and it was always a pain in my ass.

As I step into the shower, I try my best to not become overwhelmed by the day that lay ahead of me. I will take it minute-by-minute making good, sound, responsible decisions. I know that is a lot easier as I stand in the confines of my shower. I know the next minute entailed conditioner, and the minute after that a towel and comb. Shit. Who am I kidding? I'm absolutely terrified of going to the hospital. I will have to say something to Derek. Finn deserves some kind of reasonable explanation about last night. I have nothing to say.

Then Burke and Christina. I haven't even spoken to Christina since prom last night. I needed to talk to Christina. I hope that Izzie is still asleep. Hopefully, she would sleep for the good portion of the day, but it was only a matter of time before she woke up and had to deal with the reality of Denny's death.

Quietly I get ready and sneak out of the house. I know I said I was going to become more family centric, but I needed some me time. I would see them at the hospital. I get into my car and drive the long way to work. Along the long way is a park, a beautiful little park. My father used to take me there when I was a little girl. I park my truck and climb out. The morning is somewhat cold, but there's an obvious hint of warmth in the air. I lie on the grass and take in the silence. Beautiful silence surround by the beauty of nature.

I allow my thoughts to race through my head all at once. Finn. Divorce. The hospital. My mother. Dr. Burke. Knitting. Christina. Sex with Derek. Izzie. Addison. For the first time in a long while I allow myself to feel. I'm not trying to avoid my emotions or bottle them up, but rather deal with them. I have to deal with them. I look at my watch, about forty-five minutes later, and know I have to go to work. I take in as much as my surrounding as I can and get into my car. This would be the last bit of silence I would have for the rest of my day.

gagagagagagagagagaga

I walk into the cool exteriors of the hospital. I try to fight off the feeling of impending dread. I advert my eyes to the ground. I can hear people whispering as I walk by. Once again I am the center of Seattle Grey hospital. I'm the intern who screwed the married attending in an exam room. I can take it.

I walk into the locker room and begin to change into my scrubs No one else is here yet. I've been in the hospital for 15 minutes, only forty-seven hours and forty-five minutes to go. I go to put my hair up and drop my hair tie on the floor. I turn around and bend to pick it up. I hear someone come into the locker room, and I soon feel their presence behind me. I turn around and see Derek standing behind me. He grabs me and kisses me. I freeze.

**Review Please :)**


	2. Let me go

_**Even Our Emotions Have an Echo**_

_**Author's Note: Thanks for the amazing feedback, keep it coming.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**_

His mouth is on top of mine. I can feel his tongue exploring the insides of my mouth, and yet again I can't breathe. I cannot deny that in this moment I feel wanted, and fulfilled. For a moment I give into the kiss, into my emotions, but I soon realize that this isn't right. My body stiffens up, and I'm able to break free of the kiss.

I try to catch my breath as I stare at him from across the locker room. His perfect blue eyes are wild and filled of passion, and I try to wipe any signs of emotion from my face. The room is filled with silence, but this time it is an unwelcome silence. I prey that he would say something so I could scream at him, and maybe get answers to some questions that I've long needed answered.

But he says nothing. He continues to look at me. His pager goes off. He gives me one final longing look, and turns and exits the locker room. Moments after his departure Christiana walks into the room. The tension still fills the locker room as I sit on the bench and look off into space still trying to fix my hair. Christina looks at me, and rolls here eyes and begins to get ready for rounds.

She looks like shit. Her face is red with tears. Her eyes are bloodshot. She hasn't gotten much sleep. Her scrubs are disheveled and wrinkled, and for once her tough exterior is gone.

"How is he?" I ask, attempting to play the role of the concerned best friend.

Christina looks at me, her eyes sad and pleading, "I don't know," she responds. "I have no idea. His hand is still shaking. All we can do is wait."

Christina sits on the bench beside me. We just sit there until George and Alex come into the room. My heart drops when I don't see Izzie. Alex seemed to read my mind.

"We couldn't get her to come. She won't eat anything. She won't talk to us. She's just lying there. She's not even crying," Alex states as he begins to change into his scrubs.

Dr. Bailey enters the room and she immediately senses our sadness and uncertainty. For once she isn't barking orders or demanding anything of us. Her movements are slow and fluid, as if she doesn't want to cause anymore disarray. He voice is soft, but strong as she begins to speak.

"Round everyone, and afterward O'Malley you're with Dr. Shepard. Karev you're with the Chief. Grey, go with Montgomery-Shepard. Yang you on sutures," Bailey states as she turns to exit the room.

Christian attempts to muster the strength to speak up, but cannot find the strength within herself to fight. This is not the Christina that I know, and I being to worry. Great, now I have to spend the day with the woman who's husband I slept with last night. This is what I get.

Silently we all exit the locker room and go about our assignments. I take the elevator up to the maternity ward of the hospital. I remember how I George and I used to escape up here to look at the babies. Before this floor was a safe haven, but not now it only reminded me of her. The wife of the man I am in love with.

I see Addison as soon as I get off the elevator. I search her eyes for some kind of sign. A signal to tell me what she's thinking, what she is feeling. Did Derek tell her what happened last night, I wonder. I doubt it though. Derek never seemed to have the energy to fight, not even for me. I see nothing in her eyes.

"Good morning Dr. Grey," Addison says coldly. We are way beyond pretending to be friends. I follow her to her patient's room and stand in the corner silently as she gives her patient a consult. I answer the questions she ask appropriately and breathe a sigh of relief when given the cue for my exit. I begin to walk away from the room, away from her, when I hear her call out my name.

"Yes, Dr. Shepard," I say as my voice cracks.

"How's Izzie," She asks looking genuinely concerned.

"She won't eat or talk to us, but, I mean, she's dealing the best she can," I reply. Honestly I don't really know the answer to her question.

"Good," Addison responds, looking back down to the patients chart. "Meredith, you win." The emptiness of her eyes is replace with sadness.

I attempt to compose myself. How should I respond to that? What exactly does that mean? Did Derek leave her? Searching myself I respond, "We both lost." I'm not exactly what I mean as I say those words, but they seem to work for the moment.

Addison looks at me and her eyes begin to soften as if she actually feels sorry for me. She says nothing else and walks away from me.

gagagagagagagagagaga

The day passes by with little to no incident. I am able to avoid Derek. Addison and I are able to work side by side almost comfortably. I still can't help but wonder if she knows that I slept with Derek last night. When I checked my phone at lunchtime I noticed that Finn called my phone at least a dozen times. The least I could do was give him a call back. Alex is back at the house with Izzie. Tonight was his night off, and he chose to spend it with Izzie.

I walk down to the hospital waiting room and I see Christina sitting there staring off into the space.

"Hey," I say as I sit down next to her. Christian mumbles something that sounds like a hello.

I sit there unsure what to say next. Unsure of what I can say that can ease her fears about Preston.

"Tell me something," Christina asks me.

"Derek called me a whore. Doc had to be put to sleep, and oh yeah I slept with him last night."

Christina eyes light up with fury. "I'm so sorry I asked you. Meredith what the hell is wrong with you. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? I don't feel sorry for you. Honestly I don't. Do you like pain? Do you like it when he breaks your heart again and again. Meredith you have to stand up for yourself, and stop using your pain as some kind of excuse for your reckless behavior. Seriously."

Christina stands up and walks away from me. Part of me is angry with her for lashing out at me in thid way, but deep down inside I know she's right.

gagagagagagagagagaga

It's about three o'clock. I'm walking down the hospital halls with nothing to do. I see Christine curled up beside Preston in his bed. She looked so fragile. Dr. Burke's hand was still shaking. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't visit him all day out of fear of the possibility of running into Derek. I'm a bad friend, really I am. I walk in the on call room of the hospital staring at my cell phone. I had to call Finn. He probably is asleep, but I have to make the call.

I sit on a bad and listen as my phone dialed his number. I prey that he won't answer, that he will let the machine pick up. The phone stops ringing and I hear his voice.

"Meredith, are, are you alright?" Finn asks.

"Yes, I'm fine," I respond. I am so unsure of what else to say.

"Meredith what happened last night. One minute you're right there with me, and the next your running off, and I see Derek running after you. Then the next thing I know he's calling out your name," says Finn.

"Finn I just called to let you know that I'm fine. Could we not talk about this right now, not like this. I'll call you when I get off shift tomorrow. We'll talk then, in person."

"That's fine," Finn responds sounding as if he genuinely understands. "I'll talk to you then, Goodnight Meredith." Goddamn, why did he have to be so perfect so understanding. I didn't deserve this. I had to tell him that I slept with Derek. That I don't deserve to be apart of his plans.

I begin to cry again. Soft at first, but then I being to cry uncontrollably. Who am I kidding? I'm not dealing with this. I'm the same person as I was yesterday. A stupid, east girl who allowed herself to get involved in this mess. I hear someone knock on the door. I ignore it. The door slowly opens. Of course it's Derek. I hate for him to see me this way. I hate to see me fall victim to the pain that he in part is responsible for. Of course he runs to my side, and sits beside my bed.

"Mer," he says. His voice is soft and gentle. He's still McDreamy. I feel my entire body tense as he begins to stroke my hair. I sit up and look at him. I feel a flash of anger shoot through my body.

"How dare you ask me what this means," I blankly state.

"What?" Derek asks looking obviously confused.

"Last night you asked me what us having sex means, and then you call my name. Both times you wanted me to make the decision. You can't stand to be the bad guy can you? You're so fucking indecisive, and the one time you actually made a decision you took the easy way out. You say if love was enough then you would be with me. Bullshit, I don't buy into it. You're not happy, But you chose to try to save your marriage, and yet you insist on pulling me alone. You made your bed and now lie in it. Just stop, I can't keep hurting this way. You have to let me go. I have to move on. Derek let me move on," I scream.

Derek look as me. His eyes are pleading. He opens his mouth to say something. George opens the door. He enters the room obviously unmoved by the scene he just partially witnessed. He moves closer to me and grabs my hand.

"Meredith, your mother just passed away."

_**Feedback please.**_


	3. Freefall

_**Even Our Emotions Have an Echo**_

_**Author's Note: So I officially know where I'm going with this. I have a plan and everything. So bare with me as I make it actually happen. The tone of this chapter is a lot more dark than I intended it to be, but I think it's necessary for Mer's character development. It's not going to stay this dark. I have planned a light at the end of this tunnel. Feedback helps me write, so keep it coming.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**_

It is this moment in time in which my world falls around me. I can't say I've even felt this way before. My mother died. Alone. Exactly what I feared would happen to her. George is still talking, but I can't hear him. He leaves and Derek grabs me. I let him. I begin to sob controllably. Nothing else matters in this moment. Not my fight with Christina, Derek, or Izzie. My mommy is dead.

Derek is holding me in his arms rocking me. I allow myself to melt into his arms and simply not care. He is here with me now and that's exactly what I need in this moment. His strong embrace makes me feel secure. I'm not too sure how long we've been in this position. Derek is silent and I can't stop crying.

"She died sad and alone," I cry in between my sobs.

"Ssshh," Derek tells me as he smoothes my hair away from my face. There's nothing he can say to contradict my last statement. I allow myself to lie in his arms until I fall asleep.

I wake up a few hours later and Derek is still holding me. He is asleep. I stir and begin to get up.

"Meredith," he groggily calls out.

"I have to get going. I need to talk to Chief. I need to make arrangements. I need to deal with this. I'm fine. I knew this was coming sooner or later," I lie trying to compose myself and sound secure. Derek eyes see through me and I feel like a little girl standing in front of him. I want nothing more to curl into a ball and lie in his arms, but I can't. He's not mine.

"I'll call you later," again I lie and yet again he doesn't believe me. Not able to take his stare anymore I turn and leave the room. My head is spinning I can't break or think. Slowly I walk to Chief's office. Softly I knock on the door and walk into the office.

Chief looks up at me his eyes filled with pain.

"Meredith," he says softly. I've never seen him like this. So raw, so hurt, so exposed.

"I couldn't do it. Damnit I loved her, but I just couldn't do it. I broke her heart. I never stopped loving her. She died alone because of me. Because of my need to do the right thing, but I didn't do anything but hurt all of us, including you. Meredith I'm so sorry."

"She loved you until the day she died. I remember being a little girl trying to crawl into bed with her in the middle of the night and she would be crying. I never knew why. I used to think it was because she missed my father. But it was because you abandoned her," I stop as I see Dr. Webber wince at my words, "Part of herself died when you chose Adele. She became cold and distant. She saw no really reason to express or feel emotion, and I can't help by see myself slowly turning into her."

Chief looks at me as if he knew what I just said were true. "Your mother was an amazing woman, and so are you. Go home. Come back when you're ready. Let me know if you need anything."

I'm sitting at the counter of Joe's. The burning sensation of tequila feels so bittersweet running down my throat. I can't go home. I would have to deal with Izzie, and right about now I can't deal with even myself. I'm not strong enough. I can't deal with this. Why am I fighting so hard? Would it not be easier for me to transfer to the program in San Francisco or somewhere that isn't here? I'm a bad friend, a bad person, and a bad daughter.

"Pour me another," I ask Joe. I don't give a damn that it's three in the afternoon. I feel like shit now, and I just want it to go away. I lost count of the shots long ago. Joe looks at me worriedly and pours me another shot. I feel myself slipping into the point of perfect numbness. None of my thoughts make sense and for the first time in a long while my thoughts are silenced. I give into the notion that I'm a drunk, lovesick whore.

I stumble as I try to get off my stool to grab my bag.

"Whoa there," Joe says as he reaches out to help steady me. I dig around in my bag and manage to find my cell phone. Finn.

"Hey I'm at Joe's. That bar across the street from the hospital could you please come pick me up," I as trying so hard to put on my sober voice. I focus on saying each word clearly. He tells me he'll be here in five minutes.

I take another shot, grab my stuff, and go wait for him outside. He pulls up right on time, as always, and gets out the car. I reek of alcohol, and while I'm scary and damaged this is not normal for me. Finn doesn't ask any questions, but rather helps me in the car and drives off.

"I don't want to go home," I declare breaking the painful silence in the car.

"Okay then," Finn replies. God, he's perfect. Why can't I love him? I have to love him; all I have to do is try. I know I can do it. He will be so good for me.

I'm sitting on the couch in Finn's house. He's cooking me something to eat. Shit, he's so perfect. I sneak behind him while he's at the stove and I kiss him on the neck. He turns around and hands me a glass of orange juice.

"You should sit down," he says. I had just gotten out of the shower. I am wearing one of his big button up shirts my hair is still wet, and I'm still pretty drunk. Derek fed the beast and I can't think of anything I want more in this moment than Finn's body pressed up against mine. I'm still in that point of perfect numbness. No Mom. No Derek. No pain. Just me and this perfect man in front of me.

I lure him away from the stove and press him against the refrigerator. I press my body against his and begin to kiss him. Hard and passionate. He pushes me off him.

"Meredith…" Finn beings as I silence him with another kiss. My hands move to take off his belt. "Meredith." Finn shouts as he forcefully pushes me off him. Suddenly I'm not so drunk anymore. My head suddenly becomes clearer as I begin to realize the realities of this horrific situation.

I can't bring myself to look him in the eye. I have never felt dirtier in my entire life. "Finn, please take me home," I ask meekly.

"After you've had something to eat," Finn appears unfazed and continues to cook me food.

"Seriously Finn, stop. Stop," I scream.

"You need to eat, Meredith."

"No you can't cook for me. You can't be so perfect. I don't deserve this, any of this. I'm a horrible person. If you only knew how horrible I am you wouldn't do any of this. The best thing is for me to be out of your life. I'm going to do nothing but hurt you. I'm not ready for your plans, and I don't fucking deserve to have any part of them," I began to scream as I began to cry uncontrollably. "I'm still in love with Derek, and I can't stop. Oh Finn, I really want to stop. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm such a mess. Izzie's life is falling apart, and I'm not there for her and my mother died this morning. She died, Finn, alone. I wasn't there for her. It's my job to be there for her. I was the only person she had is this entire world and I wasn't there."

"Meredith." Finn moves to step closer to me but I move away. There's not a single reason that I can think of that I deserve to be consoled by him.

"Finn, don't. Don't touch me. Don't do anything. Please just take me home."

"Your scary, damaged, and broken and maybe I can't help you, and maybe you won't let me, but you can't keep pushing people out of your life. I'm almost certain you won't let me love you, and I had no idea what's going on with you and Derek, but goddamnit…"

"I'm sorry. Finn, please take me home. You don't deserve any of this, and I'm sorry I can't give you more."

"You can Mer. You have so much to give."

"I can't. Not now. I have so much I need to fix, and I can't bring you into this. Please Finn, take me home."

Finn stands there looking at me. He moves to grab his keys. I look around his house. I know this is the last time I'll ever be here. I grab my things and walk to Finn's car.

I open the front door to my house. Relieved to finally be home. There's a thousand things I need to go. I need to get changed check on Izzy, and go over to my mother's old nursing home. I cannot believe that I haven't even called yet.

I take a few steps into the house, not really expecting to see anyone. The house is filled with the smell of Chocolate. I walk into the kitchen. The counters are filled with pans of cupcakes and a decadent looking cake. I see Izzie scrubbing a pan vigorously.

"Izzie."

"Hey Mer," Izzie exclaims.

Izzie is wearing a soft pink sundress. Her hair is done up in a beautiful bun. She's wearing a full face of make-up. She looks absolutely stunning. She stops for a moment to look at me. She smiles at me and goes back to cleaning her pan. She moves to the oven to check on her cake.

"Izzie. What are you doing?"

"Baking silly. I mean I can't stay in bed forever. I have to go on with my life, and I mean I don't have a job or anything, so I figured I bake so some stuff for you guys. Mer, I'm fine really."

I just stand there and look at her.


	4. Mending

_**Even Our Emotions Have an Echo**_

_**Mending**_

_**Author's note: Sorry it took me a while to get this one up. I was moving and the internet doesn't work in my new place yet. Enough of my ramblings… thanks for the great reviews. Keep them coming!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**_

I press the end button on my cell phone. I am finally finished with all the calls I needed to make for my mother's "arrangements." The original shock I was feeling today had been replaced with a kind of numbness and disbelief, and an incredible feeling of guilt.

I'm lying in my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I can still hear Izzie moving around the kitchen. It's getting late. George should be coming home some time soon. I really needed to go see Christina. She deserves at least that much for me.

I begin to get lost in my thoughts when I hear a loud crash from downstairs. I quickly get up from my bed and run downstairs. I run to the kitchen and see bits of batter and cake all over the kitchen. Izzie's bun has fallen around her face, and her pretty blue dress is stained with brown batter. She's sitting on the floor crying, grabbing her arm. Shit.

I run by her side. She's sobbing.

"Izzie…" I say trying to figure out what just happened. "What happened? Is something wrong with your arm?" I get a towel and put some cold water on it. I can't tell if she's crying more so because of her physical pain or her emotional pain.

I grab her hand and attempt to get a look at her burn. It's raw and welting. Shit, it looks really bad. I put the cool towel on her arm. We're going to have to go to the hospital there's no way around it. Today has totally sucked. There is no way it could be any worse.

"Izzie, honey, we have to get this looked at."

"No," Izzie screams at me.

I move closer to her to say something when I hear the front door open.

"George," I yell.

Alex and George come running into the kitchen. Both men look confused at the obvious state of disarray of the kitchen. Alex drops his bag on the ground and immediately runs to Izzie's side. I pick up the towel to show him the severity of the burn.

"Shit," is all he says in response.

George looks at me as if to say "what the hell is going on."

I move closer to him. "How are you," he asks.

"Shitty," I respond. "We need to get Izzie to the hospital. I mean we could take care of it, but I mean we don't have any of the things we would need to do so."

"Yeah I know, but she won't go will she."

"What do you think?"

I move back closer to Izzie. She's sill crying hysterically.

"Izzie we really need to go have this taken care of. Please Izzie. I know you're in a lot of pain, and neither one of us want to go to the hospital, but we have to. Please," I beg her.

"Izzie c'mon we'll only be there for 20 min max," Alex promises her.

I've never seen Alex be so sincere and sweet. When he looks at her his eyes seem to soften and his touch exterior seems to fade. Izzie looks at him and stops crying. She doesn't speak but rather shakes her head ok. Alex, yet again, scoops her into his arms. Izzie rests her head on his shoulders and he takes her to the car.

"Are you sure you want to go back to the hospital," George asks me as I pick up my coat.

"I'm sure I want to help take care of a member of my family. You guys are seriously all I have."

George puts his hand on my shoulder and we walk to the car.

gagagagagagagagagagaga

Izzie is sitting on the exam table. If I was in a better mood, and these were better circumstances, I would have found the scene to be quite humorous. She looks absolutely ridiculous with dried cake batter all over herself in her blue homemaker dress. She literally looks like a desperate housewife. Alex's holding her hand as George drains Izzie's blister.

I am sitting on the floor just watching. Too tired to do anything more. Too tired to run around the hospital trying to hide from Derek. Just too tired. I have a lot of shit to deal with and I need my energy. I need energy to care for my family and to care for myself.

Part of me knows that Finn is right that I need to let him, or someone in. But I'm not ready not yet, not more him or even Derek. I need to figure myself out, and I have a long way to go. No man can ever complete me. I have to complete myself.

The door swings open and hits me in the knee, jolting me out of my thoughts.

"Fuck," I cry out.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry," Derek says.

I get up to leave the room, trying to avoid this situation, or at least I try to get up. My knee is unable to support my weight, and I crash back down onto my ass. Great, just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse, and Derek couldn't hurt me anymore, he breaks my fucking knee.

"Get out," I scream at him. "Get the fuck out of here. Leave me alone. Haven't you done enough? Haven't you hurt me enough? Just stay away from me, and out of my life. You bring me nothing but pain, and you always have." Derek stands by the door and looks deeply hurt. I immediately regret what I just said. Derek turns and leaves the room.

"Ouch," Alex says.

"Seriously," Izzie follows up, speaking for the first time since she burned herself.

gagagagagagagagagagaga

I'm lying in a hospital bed. My knee isn't broken buy just jammed. Even with the pain medication Callie gave me I'm coherent enough to feel miserable. I need to be coherent. I shouldn't be able to escape this mess.

Had I really just pushed Derek out of my life? Was I really ready to do that? I mean I've told him to leave me alone in the past, but I never really mean it, and he never listened to me. But something was different this time. Maybe it was my tone or something, but this time I'm pretty sure he believes me. He had taken in to heart. I didn't want to lose him forever, but maybe things be easier this way. He would finally be out of my life.

But did I want him to be. Deep down inside I know that I want him to be by my side this very moment. I wanted to tell him all about my horrible day. I wanted him, but I need to stand on my own two feet for a while. I owed that much to myself. I need to tell him this. I realize that a lot of our problems are caused by the half-truths we always seem to tell one another.

When I think about it, the door situation was pretty symbolic for our relationship. He hurt me, but he didn't know that he was going to hurt me because he didn't see it coming. I was sitting behind the door, not making a single noise, not giving him any warning. While he actually was the cause of my pain, I put myself in a situation to get hurt. Seriously, who sits behind a door? Who falls in love with a man she hardly knows.

If I am going to become a better person, I need to better all aspects of my life, including communication. This wasn't just a problem with Derek and me, but with all of my friends.

I grabbed the crutches Callie put beside my bed and hobbled my way out of the exam room and off to mend my broken fences and fix my broken soul.


	5. The strength in me

_**Even Our Emotions Have An Echo**_

_**The Strength in Me **_

_**Author's Note: I'm going to try to finish this story eventually. I like when fan-fics have a sense of closure, so don't think that this is going to be one of the stories that go on and on forever. I'm going to start dealing more with the other characters. I think I've more or less established my Meredith and the direction she is heading. Thanks for the amazing feedback. Seriously, it helps me write.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**_

I push open the door to the exam room. This is a lot easier said than done with crutches. It's an awkward display that even a degree from Dartmouth couldn't make easier. Once I am able to get the door open and wedge my small body though the crack in the door I made with my crutch I see Christina sitting in a small armchair by Burke's bed. Christina is holding his trembling hand.

Neither of them ar talking. It's all understood. It's entirely possible that he'll never operate again. He's worried that Christina only loves him for being a prestigious surgeon, and Christina is scared of the emotional, loving person she's allowed herself to become.

"Dr. Grey," Preston says a few moments after I entered the room.

"Dr. Burke, how are you feeling?"

"Grey let's not ask silly questions. I will get over this. It's just another obstacle."

"Yes, yes you will." I shift my eyes to Christina. She looks so sad, so scared. She needs me. "Christina, can I talk to you for a second."

Christina doesn't acknowledge me, but rather gets up and leaves the room. I follow her to the locker room where she is waiting for me.

"I know you hate the whole sorry and crying scene, but I really need to get this stuff off my chest." Christina opens her mouth as if to protest, but I continue before she can begin. "These past couple of months I have been a mess. A complete selfish mess, and you've always been there to listen and to help me. I never realized how much this meant to me. I never stopped and took on the listening role. And things in my life are beyond shitty right now, but I'm not the only one who's in pain. My pain isn't anymore real that yours. And your right, a lot of this is my own fault, and I'm going to have to deal with this. But I can't do it alone, seriously, I can't." I stop to breathe and I see Christina's eyes soften.

"I'm sorry about you mother," she replies. She didn't need to acknowledge what I just said because I know she heard me, and we were a good as good could be in this moment in time.

"Thank you."

"What happened to your leg?"

"Derek jammed my knee with a door."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," I replied. Christina stopped and gave me a questioning look. "No, no, nothing like that. Izzie burned herself baking and we brought her to the hospital. I was sitting on the floor and Derek swung the door open into my knee."

"Damn, only you. You still love him?"

"Yeah. So very much," I whisper.

"Mer, I'm scared."

"I know," I reply as I grab her hand in an attempt to console her, after all I'm her person.

gagagagagagagagagaga

Yet again I find myself hobbling down the halls of Seattle Grace. It's 4am. I'm so exhausted, but I know sleep won't come. I've already checked on Izzie. She is fast asleep in Alex's arms. Alex loves her so much. I mean, sure, he's an asshole, but love is love. He would help Izzie get through this. I'm sure Izzie will be ok. Did she really leave the program, though? She couldn't throw her entire life away. She is a surgeon.

I see Addison Shepard walking down the hall looking just as confused, and lost as I am. We stop walking and meet each other's gaze.

"So I heard Derek almost broke your knee."

"Pretty much. Addison…" I begin.

"Grey, don't. There's no point. My marriage was over long before he even met you. I'm still in love with him, and I didn't want to give up without a fight. God, I don't even know anymore. Maybe I'm in love with the idea of being in love with him. I'm sad, and tired. I have to give up. Part of me hates you for making him love you in a way that he never loved me, not even when we first met. Yet, I pity you. I mean you've been through hell and back, and I admire the fact that you're still standing in front of me."

"Addison, you shouldn't be so nice to me. Last night…"

"Meredith, I know. Derek told me everything, and part of me already knew, and expected it. There's nothing I can do anymore. You can't make someone love you. We signed the papers."

I stood there in shock not sure what to say next. Why is she being so calm and understanding about this. I deserve to be yelled at and spat upon.

"But Meredith, do me a favor, and yourself a favor as well, stay strong. You have to maintain your identity, your sense of self. You can't just melt into his arms and expect to make everything to be okay. You have a lot of shit you're going to have to work out, and I'm not going anywhere. It's going to be awkward as hell, and uncomfortable, but it's that way for a reason. Don't let him hurt you anymore than he already has."

I am convinced Addison is amazing. Here she is helping me. Telling me things that I desperately need to hear. I know It's naïve of me to actually think that one day we will be friend, but I honestly think at the end of this Addison will be a friend and confidant.

"Thank you Addison. That really means a lot. It really does."

"I'm going to stop by the house tomorrow night and check on Izzie. I know she hates me, but I really don't want to see her waste her gift, and I mean I know what it's like to lose someone I love to situations beyond my control."

I wince at her words. "That would be nice," I respond.

"Good night Dr. Grey."

"Goodnight Dr. Sh- Montgomery." I notice her tense up when she hears me call her by her maiden name. I wonder the last time she was called Dr. Montgomery. She had to be absolutely terrified. She too thought that she was done. She thought that she had the man she would spend the rest of her life with. She now has to face a scary, big world all alone, and it was entirely possible that I would have to as well. But unlike her I had my family.

gagagagagagagagagaga

There's one more person I need to talk to, and I'm dreading it. I still have no idea what I'm going to say. He signed the papers. He could be mine if I wanted him to be. I don't know what I want. Addison is right I need to stand on my own. I can't keep going from man to man. I am okay on my own, but I love Derek, and he loves me. Yet, we already proved that our love is flawed. What's to stop us from ending like his first failed marriage? I wasn't willing to go through that.

I stand outside the resident's on-call room. I know he's inside there sleeping. Slowly I prop the door open with my crutch, and attempt my wedging myself through the doors in the same way that worked for me earlier. I feel my foot getting caught on my left crutch and I feel myself falling to the floor on my jammed knee with a thud. Fuck.

Derek jots out of bed and flees to my side. My knee is killing me, and I'm not too sure if I can move it.

"Meredith what happened. I need you to try to move you knee for me. Can you do that," Derek asks going into full out doctor mode.

I try to focus on moving my leg. It hurts so much. I breathe in a focus. Slowly I bend my knee. Good, one less thing to worry about. I didn't break my knee.

"What the hell were you trying to do," Derek asks me.

"Open the door."

"You could have knocked, I would have opened it."

"I know, it's just, I didn't want to wake you."

"I wouldn't have minded."

"I know, but I had a whole door opening strategy." I attempt to explain my method to Derek and he looks at me dumfounded, and then begins to laugh at me. "I'm serious. Okay, I admit it's pretty dumb, but it made so much sense at the time." I try to explain.

The two of us sit there on the floor laughing hysterically. We are genuinely enjoying this moment. It's the first time I've laughed in too long. After our laughter dies down we sit there and look at each other. Derek leans forward and touches my cheek. I put my hand on top of his. We are quiet and content in this moment. He leans in to kiss me, and I stop him.

"Derek, don't, please," I say. Derek pulls his hand away and looks hurt.

"Are you still with Finn," he asks his voice trembling.

I grab his hand and put it within my own. "No I'm not. That was over before it even began."

"I'm sorry."

"No don't be. Seriously, Derek I'm in love with you, and there's nothing I can do about that, but I just can't deal with us right now. I need to take care of my family and myself. I need to stand on my own, and so do you. We need to figure out exactly we want from one another. We just need time before we rush into things again. And maybe things don't work out, and we decide not to give it a second go round, but that's for us to decide when the time comes. I still want you in my life, and I'm pretty sure I always will."

"I understand."

I lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek. I begin to tell him about my day. Not leaving out a single detail. He sits there and listens to me as I confide in him about my insecurities, my mother, Finn, everything. He holds me when I need to be held and sits through my moments of silence. He's everything I need him to be in this moment.

gagagagagagagagagaga

The next morning George drives Izzie and I home and then returns to the hospital to report for rounds. Izzie and I begin our slow ascent up the stairs and into our separate rooms.

"Let me know if you need anything," I tell Izzie.

She doesn't respond, but rather asks me a question. "I'm going to be alright aren't I?"

"Yes, yes you are. We're all going to be all right. Izzie I'm always here for you if you ever need anything. We all are."

Izzie smiles, genuinely, and goes into her room.

I turn and go into mine. I peel my clothes off my body and put on my Dartmouth tee-shirt, the one with the hole in the back. I lay my crutches beside the bed and lay my tired bed underneath the covers. It feels amazing. My head, and conscience are clear. I drift off into a calm, peaceful sleep, for the first time since I could remember.


	6. Exactly as it should be

_**Even Our Emotions Have an Echo**_

_**Exactly as it should be**_

_**Author's Note: I really enjoyed writing the last part. It felt good to have Meredith making good choices and helping the people around her. I think I'm going to start jumping around with the timeline. I want this story to have a real sense of closure, but I want it also to be realistic. Mer isn't going to solve all her problems in week. Let me know what you think. Feedback is amazing, as always. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**_

I woke up at 8. 8 in the evening. I'm amazed that I was able to sleep for so long. It feels pretty wonderful actually. I listen to the noises around the house. I hear people moving around downstairs. I think I smell food.

I climb out of bed and hobble down the stairs. Careful not to have another fall. I enter the kitchen. Addison is sitting at the table talking to Izzie. Christina's head in buried in the fridge. George is making a salad. For a second I realize we look like a semi-normal group of people.

Everyone looks up at me. I sheepishly smile. My gaze meets Addison's and she stands up as if she's going to leave.

"No Addison, stay. Eat with us," I say.

Addison looks at me without hurt or distain. She smiled at me. "I would like that."

Everyone is silent. They all just look at me as if they expect me to stay or do something. "What? I'm fine." I pause. "Okay, I'm a mess, but seriously I'm working on it."

This seems to be what they all want to hear, and it's actually the truth. No more lies. No more "I'm fine." Because I'm not fine, but for once I was moving in a productive direction to make things better. The silence is broken they all resume their conversations.

I sit at the table and just take in the scene that is occurring around me. This is how things are supposed to be. I listen to the laugher in the room, and realize that no one is complaining about their lives or talking about the hospital, but rather having normal conversations. Addison and Izzie are talking about the house Addison is going to rent. Christina is poking George in the side trying to take over making the salad. I smile.

"So Addison tell me about this house?" I ask as I allow myself to get lost in the moment.

gagagagagagagagagaga

George, Izzie, and I are washing the dishes. It was well after 12, Addison, and Christina had just left. It really was a nice evening. We ate, talked, and drank more than our fair share of wine. I know I said I needed to be coherent, but tonight I was more coherent than I've been in a long while. This is life. I mean sure I'm in pain, and there will still things I needed to deal, but tonight I did not allow myself to wallow in it.

"Meredith we have this under control. Go sit down, relax. You have a rough day tomorrow," George says and he shoos me away from the sink. I really wasn't much help anyway. It's damn near impossible to wash dishes all the while holding myself up on crutches.

I hobble back up the stairs and grab my cell phone. Finn had called. I look at the screen unsure of what should I do. The last time I saw him I was a drunken mess and tried to force myself on him. Before I could think about it anymore, I hit the send button, and prey that he doesn't answer. Of course he answers.

"Hey Meredith," he answers.

"Hi Finn."

"How are you?"

"I'm better, much better."

"That's good to hear."

"I'm sorry about…" I begin.

"No don't. I am just happy that I was able to be there for you."

Silence fills the line.

"You're amazing you know that," I say.

He laughs. "If you say so. I just wanted to call and make sure you were ok. Give me a call sometime, alright."

"Ok," I lie, but I'm pretty sure all is understood. He would be perfect for someone else, but not for me.

"Goodbye Meredith."

"Goodbye Finn." I put my phone down on my dresser. I breathe out. I cannot believe that I'm going to bury my mother tomorrow. I didn't see her death coming. I wonder if she remembered who I was in her last moments. I wonder if she was proud of her daughter, the doctor. But part of me wishes that she spent he last few days reliving the days of her residency. She was happy then. She was with the man she loved. After Dr. Webber stayed with Adele she was never the same. Even though I was only five at the time, I noticed the difference in my mother. She smiled less, and worked even more. Regardless of what happened with Derek and I, I have to promise myself that I won't let my happiness depend on him.

I get up and go into the hall. I softly knock on Izzie's door. George has gone to bed. The house is dead silent. Slowly I push up the door with my crutch. Izzie is curled in a ball softly crying. I don't know what to say. I climb into bed next to her. I attempt to comfort her in someway, but I know this is something she's going to have to deal with on her own.

"Will this ever go away?" she asks.

"It will hurt less, you'll get stronger, and you'll be able to move on."

"That's the thing. I mean I miss him so much, but I can't stay in the house forever. It just makes it worse. Then I feel badly for wanting to go on with my life."

"Izzie, you have to go on. You know that what he would have wanted for you."

"I know, but I just, why is it so hard?"

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"Addison wants me to come back and be her intern. She said I could do just OB-GYN stuff if I'd like, and when I'm ready go back to surgery."

"Is that what you want?" I ask.

"I don't know, I really don't," she says as she begins to cry again.

I rub her back and I lie there with her. This is what she needs. I begin to cry with her. It hurts to see a friend in so much pain and be unable to help her. I mean I'm just getting to the point where I can help myself. Izzie soon cries herself to sleep and I soon follow.

gagagagagagagagagaga

I can't sleep. I mean I slept all day. I'm tossing and turning in Izzie's bed. I didn't want tomorrow to come. I didn't want to bury my mom. I hear a soft tap on the front door. Of course of someone would be knocking on my door in the middle of the night. I can't be bothered with the crutches, not now. I scoot myself down the stairs and hop over to the door. I lean on left hand on the wall by the door, and open the door. It's Derek.

"Hey," he says. Suddenly I wish I brought my crutches. "I can't sleep."

"Neither can I," I reply. What does he want? Why is he really here? Why didn't I bring my crutches? "Do you want to come in?"

"Sure." He moves inside and closer to me. I can't move. I try to slide my hand backwards on the wall trying to move away from the temptation. I begin to lose my balance and, yet again, fall flat on my ass. I sit there feeling like a total fool. "Meredith we need to work on you falling and hurting yourself whenever there's a door involved."

"I know," I mutter. "Could you go into Izzie's room and get my crutches for me?"

Playfully he laughs at me as he goes and gets the crutches. He comes back downstairs and props the crutches on the couch.

"Derek," I say annoyed. Obviously I wouldn't have asked him to bring me the crutches if I didn't intend on using them. Before I could complain Derek bends down beside me and scoops me up in his arms.

"Put me down!" I cry. He ignores me. He begins to laugh again and carries me over to the couch. He puts me down and sits down next to me. "Asshole," I say as I punch him in him arm. He doesn't flinch, but rather looks at me and smiles. I never feel comfortable when he looks at me. It's almost as if he's looking beyond me, and he really sees me. Everything I'm feeling and hiding appears to be painfully obvious to him. I smile back at him.

"You're looking at me," I mutter.

"I am."

"Don't stop." I place my head on his shoulder and he puts him arm around me. In this moment I feel safe, and loved. Everything in the moment is exactly as it should be. We sit there for a while simply enjoying one another's company.

"Derek," I say breaking the silence.

"Yes," he replies as he smoothes my hair off my face.

"Tell me something about you that I don't know."

"My mother lives in Washington. In the suburbs of Seattle."

I sit up. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. Your turn."

"I invited my father to the funeral." Derek nods as if he understands the severity of my last statement.

Derek begins to tell me an assortment of things about himself that I didn't know—all about his family, childhood, and college years, more or less his life before Seattle. In turn I tell him all about Boston, my troubled teens, and my mother. For the first time I felt like I really know Derek. I had seen his best and his worst, and he has seen mine. Yet, I still don't know if our best was good enough.

Silence fills the room again. It's six in the morning. I'm getting sleepy, and so is he. I am resting my head in his lap. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm asleep. I hear his heavy breathing. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead.

"Meredith, are you asleep?"

"I don't answer."

"Want to know something else you don't know? I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for all the pain I caused you."

I don't say anything. I just lay there. I feel a tear roll down the cheek. A few minutes later I hear Derek's breathing slow and figure he's asleep.

"I love you too, always have, always will."

I close my eyes and fall asleep as I feel Derek look down at me.


	7. Filling the void

_**Even Our Emotions Have An Echo**_

_**Filling the void**_

_**Author's Note: So I'm thinking this is going to be the second to last installment. There's still things I need to wrap up, but as far a major plot points and character development I think I'm more or less done, or will be done soon. Let me know what you think. I write this stuff for you guys :) enjoy.**_

_**Ps. The father scene was in part inspired by Daughter of the Bard. Who's work I really enjoy! **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my own ideas.**_

I woke up lying by myself on the couch. I look around nervously. Did I scare Derek away last night? I hear someone walking down the stairs and I breathe out when I see its Derek.

"Hey you. I found the toothbrush I left here a while back," He says as he plops down on the couch next to me. He's completely casual like spending his morning here is something he's done a dozen times, and intends to continue on doing. I smile at him.

"I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. As if part of me hoped that one day you'd use it again." He smiles at me.

I lean in and kiss him on the lips. Soft. Quick. The kiss felt right. I could now remember the last time we kissed when we were happy because it felt exactly like this.

"That felt like a habit, you know like we'll be doing that the rest of our lives." He felt it too. We smile at each other and pause. I hear Izzie and George moving around upstairs. It's time to bury my mother.

Derek reaches out and squeezes my hand. "Mer, be strong. If you need someone to be strong for you I'm right here. I'm going to go change and get ready."

I nod and appreciate his sincerity. He gets up to leave and then stops.

"I remember why I came here last night." He pulls a piece of black cloth from his coat pocket. He throws it at me. Confusedly, I catch it. It's my black panties. I laugh.

"Thanks," I say. He turns to walk to the door.

"Derek," I call out. "We have to move slow."

"I know," he pauses, looks at me, and then smiles. "But we're going to be ok."

He walks out the door. I sit there for a moment and think about what just happened. Derek and I really will be ok. I realize that maybe, just maybe, for once love would be enough. I mean I still needed time to work on myself but being with Derek made me happy, and it felt so right. Perfect even. I want him in my life, and he wants to be there with me. I have to have faith in myself and in us, and that would come with time.

I snap myself out of my own reality and attempt to stand up without the crutches. My knee feels weak but I'm able to walk on it. It's time to focus on something outside of myself. I limp up the stairs and begin my day.

gagagagagagagagagaga

It's raining. Hard. The sun is hidden behind the dark rain clouds. Everything looks so dismal and bleak. They just put the coffin in the ground. Chief is crying. Izzie is crying. I'm crying. Derek is standing by my side holding my hand and an umbrella over me.

I can't believe this is actually happening. My eyes are grazing around the cemetery. I catch my father's gaze. His eyes are red and bloodshot. He's standing by himself. Alone. I walk toward the void in the ground, which now holds my mother's body. I take a piece of cool metal out of my pocket and throw it in the grave. My family's eyes light up when they see what it is. A scalpel. Her life, her beging, and he strength lied within the power of her scalpel.

I step back to my previous stop and grab Derek's hand. He gives it a strong squeeze. I turn to the groundskeepers and nod. It's time to close the earth. I can't watch. I've been strong this long. I turn and walk away.

"Meredith," my father whispers and follows me. I'm soaking wet. "Mer-bear, wait." I stop dead in my tracks when I heard my nickname from my childhood. I haven't heard that name since my mother left him eighteen years ago.

He reaches out and touches my shoulder. My entire body tenses, but I can't move. My knee is paining me.

"I wanted to fight for you. I really did, but I was tired. Tired of trying, so tired of fighting. I just gave up and it was cowardice, and wrong. It was over between your mother and I, but I should have fought for you. I never stopped thinking about you. You are always in my thoughts. I just didn't know what I could do," my father stammers.

My body relaxes upon hearing his words. Tired of fighting. I know exactly what he meant.

"Are you happy?" I ask him still not turning around to face him.

"Yes. I am, but part of me feels empty. Sometimes at night I pull out the pictures of the last vacation we took. You know when we went to…"

"Santa Monica. Mom went to a conference there so it was mostly you and I. You took me to the boardwalk and bought me cotton candy. We rode the Ferris wheel until I fell asleep." I remember that trip, every detail of it. I turn around and look my father in the eye. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," my father responds as he puts his umbrella over me. "I can't make up for the lost time or the pain I caused you, but I want to be apart of your life. I made a mistake eighteen years ago and I can't keep making the same mistake."

I look at him and give him a half smile. "Did you love her?"

"Yes I did. Very much, but she wasn't happy. She loved Richard and I couldn't compete with that. I had to let her go. I just wanted her to be happy."

"She died alone."

"She had you, she wasn't alone. Let me take you home." I nod and he leads me to the car. I get it and my father begins to get in the car when someone walks towards him and the car. It's the chief.

The two men don't speak. I gaze up at them through the car window. Dr. Webber stretches out his hand to my father. My father hesitates at first by soon grabs his hand. They sake hands as if they have finally come to an understanding of sorts. Neither man was ever able to make my mother happy, but it wasn't their job to. My mother's happiness came through becoming an accomplished surgeon. I do not doubt that her life would have been happier, and more complete with Dr. Webber in her life, but she didn't wait around for him. She took her life in her own hands. I had no choice but to follow my mother's example, but unlike her the man that I love loves me in return and wants to be with me. Maybe my life doesn't suck so much after all.

gagagagagagagagagaga

I go into my house and am relieved that it isn't empty. I look through the glass door at my father pulling out of my driveway. Maybe I could have a relationship with him after all these years. I mean at least I could try. He couldn't hurt me anymore than the eighteen years he was absent from my life hurt me.

I enter the kitchen. Izzie is making sandwiches and arranging them on a platter. Derek is sitting on the couch looking through my cd's while George sits across from him attempting not to look awkward. Callie is making drinks. Christina is in the kitchen demanding that Callie put another shot of vodka in her drink. I laugh. They all stop what they're doing and look at me. I didn't want to have a wake per se, but I wanted to have the people I love over. None of them really knew my mother, but they love me and were here to support me. It feels absolutely amazing.

"Hey," is all I say at first. "Thanks for being here, it really means a lot."

And it does.

_**AN: So what do you think I should do? End it? I mean I plan to give in a sense of closure, but I think I've taken it as far as I can. Let me know what you think, and review. **_


	8. Three months

_**Even Our Emotions Have An Echo**_

_**Three Months**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**_

"So Mom I really miss you, a lot actually," I say as I put flowers on her gave. "I cannot believe it's been three months. I can't believe you've been gone that long. Things really have changed. I'm a resident now. It's a little better. I ate lunch with Dad and his wife yesterday. I've been spending time with my sisters. I'm an aunt. My niece is absolutely adorable. I have a real family, which is something you were never able to give to me, and I don't resent you for that, I really don't. I mean it was awkward at first, but honestly they don't treat me different. It's like I'm actually one of them. Dad is well, happy even."

I pause and sit down next to her grave.

"My other family is doing well. Remember I used to tell you about Izzie and George. Well Izzie left the program three months ago, and she decided not to come back after all. She's doing well thought. She's working a teen pregnancy health clinic. She gets to use her license and at the same time she gets to really connect and help the girls. She's happy. She and Alex are dating. He's really changed for the better. George is happy too. He moved out. Him and Callie got an apartment, Izzie's looking for a place too. I mean it makes sense. It's going to be lonely in that house. I might rent it out until I'm ready to you know fill it. Things are good. Preston is done with his physical therapy. He's going to be operating again soon. Christina is really been there for him. We've all changed for the better."

I pause again and look around the cemetery. Sitting there I realize how all of our lives have changed, and for the better. I'm happy. I can't remember the last time I've been this happy. My entire life I've been working towards this moment and now that its here and it was totally worth it. The awful teen angst years. The wild, intense college period. The late nights in med school. Then my internship at Seattle Grace. I almost died and had my heart torn to bits. For the first time in my life I'm really fine. Seriously.

I begin to talk again, "I'm in love, Mom. You met him once his name is Derek. He's the one who broke my heart, but things are different now. We're moving really slow. I haven't even slept with him. I know you don't want to hear this but that's a really big deal for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Things are complicated, but I really thing we're going to make it work. Ok mom, I have to go. I'll come see you again soon. I love you. I hope you know that. I hope you found your peace."

I stand up, make the walk to my jeep, and drive home.

gagagagagagagagagaga

I enter my house. Izzie is sitting on the couch playing with her Sidekick.

"Hey Mer," Izzie says as she looks up at me. The smile doesn't looking force, but genuine. The emptiness and sadness that was present in her eyes for so long is gone. She's moved on. I don't doubt that she still misses Denny. Sometimes, at night, I hear her crying, but she has to live her life. You can only sit around and wallow for so long until you have to become proactive. I realized the same things. I took responsibility for my own life and happiness.

"Hey Izzie."

"I'm making dinner tonight. Alex, George and Callie are coming. Are you going to be around? Sorry, I'm going to dinner with Derek tonight." I can't help but smile.

"Meredith you're really happy aren't you?"

"More than you can believe."

"I've always believed in you two. You guys give me hope."

"You want to hear something wild?"

"I haven't slept with him yet, well not since, you know."

"Shut up!"

"Seriously. We're taking things slow."

"Aw Meredith…" Izzie stands up and hugs me.

"Ok I have a confession." Izzie pauses. "I've slept with Alex. Part of me feels badly, you know because of Denny, but I really think I love him."

"He loves you Iz you know that, right?"

"Yeah I do." I smile at her. "You should go get ready for dinner, and I need to start cooking."

I begin to walk up the stairs.

"Meredith." I turn around. "You know how you used to say we'd be fine." I nod. "Well I didn't believe you, but you were right. Thanks."

I don't say anything. I just smile at her. She goes back to playing on her sidekick and I go upstairs to get ready for dinner.

gagagagagagagagagaga

Derek showed up at 9 o'clock. I couldn't help but smile then I saw his car pull into my driveway. I grabbed my coat and got into his car. He kisses me on the mouth soft. I smile at him. I rest my hand on his thigh and he drives off.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"It's a surprise."

In this moment I feel complete. I'm truly all glued together. Outside and within. I am ready to begin again with Derek. I'm stronger and more experienced. I know we can do this, and finally I'm ready to try.

We ride in silence. Nothing needs to be said. The past three months have been amazing. I met his mother and two of his sisters. He went to dinner with my father and me. I can't count the fishing trips we took and just the amount of time we spent just really getting to know one another.

I eye him suspiciously as he parks his car in the driveway. "Dr. Shepard."

"Dr. Grey, calm down. I though we'd have dinner here." I look at him and laugh.

He grabs my hand and leads me down to a clearing by the lake. Doc's grave is right to the left of us. We eat and talk under the moonlight stars.

For a moment I lose my words and find myself staring into his eyes.

I love this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

He reaches out and touches my face. I learn closer to him. The crisp Seattle air cools my throat. He kisses me. Full of love and passion. I give into my heart and lay back on the blanket spread on the grass. His mouth is still on top of mine. His weight is over me. He places his hand on my thigh and runs his hand up my dress.

His hands belong on my body. His mouth belongs on mine. We belong to one another.

Out by the lake with the symbol of our feigned friendship near by, we make love under the blackened sky. We are done. Our cries of passion echo out into the night.

Even Our Emotions Have An Echo.

_**--fin**_

_**Author's note: So that's it. You guys have been amazing. Thanks for all the feedback along the way. Seriously, it means a lot. I hope you enjoyed this. I hope this wasn't like every other post-LMR fic. I'm sure it won't be too long until I start working on another fic, so until then**_

_**--nicole **_


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